Dumb Things I Wrote When I was 10

We’re coming home soon!

Finally, after eight long months, our time here is finally coming to an end. And now, as is my wont, instad of focussing on coming home, I’ve started worrying about all the things I never got around to doing. And all the things that I want to do before I leave. Y’know, the ones I probably won’t do because of Christmas, and the fact that I’m sick AGAIN.

Like seeing Maddie. Man, I meant to call her and email her so many times, and I put it off and put it off. And seeing Greg! What was that all about, huh! At least he came to my surprise party, which was, you could say, a huge surprise. And Kate. Oh, Katie. Kate left for Africa about the time that I arrived, and came back about a week or two ago. So I haven’t had a lot of time to see her either. And Nidhi! She’s not even in the country, I believe, which is sad.

I am a bad person.

Tim threw me a surprise party the other day, which was the best thing ever. He was all “We’re gonna go out to dinner for your birthday!” And I’m all “Yay!” So he blindfolds me, and Sarah drives us to the place (our car was unavailable, long story). It took about forty-five minutes, and I got completely lost. I had a good idea where we were for a lot of the time, but then she started taking some turns that were totally weird and I lost track of where we were. Anyway, we got there, and they were leading me toward the place, and they take off my blindfold and we’re BACK HOME. Man, I was so weirded out! I thought it was a big joke, that Tim was going to be all “Just kidding, I forgot to bring something, NOW we leave” but then we went inside and all my friends were waiting for me!

It was the best thing.

In hind sight, I’d been pretty dumb about the whole thing. There were a lot of clues I could’ve picked up on that I didn’t until it was too late. Such as the fact that nobody had asked me if or when I was having a party, and the fact that Mum had started cleaning the house for grandma’s annual visit more than a week in advance. But oh well! Maybe I was just sub-conciously willing to go along with it. In any case, I have the most wonderful friends, and the most wonderful Tim.

Speaking of cleaning, the other day Tim and I were cleaning out the back room of all my stuff accumulated over the last 23 years. We found some pretty cool stuff, and gave a lot of things to charity, so we felt really good about it all at the end of the day. We finally organised all our boxes to ship home, which cost substantially more than last time, but we have like, twice the boxes to ship home now. One less computer though!

In fact, neither of the computers we shipped over are getting shipped back. Weird.

Anyway, the point I’m getting to is, we found a lot of neat stuff, including some old journals and draft books from school. I would like to share some of the entries with you, ’cause they are weird and awesome. Debari, you love my stories, right? You are gonna LOVE these.


Last monday, Parent teacher night Anastasia came over to my house while my brother babysitted us. My mum and her mum were going to see our teacher. Anastasia brought over a game called Bean ball and a video called “Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and the seaworld mysteries

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen? What kind of satanic monster was I as a child! Also, my brother is not that much older than me, I find it weird that he would be allowed to babysit us on our own. We could’ve taken him.

Today is Clean up Australia day for our school. Year four cleaned up coral park and me and Georgia got to rake up leaves.

The exciting peak of a ten-year-old life.

In the holidays I went to Cannberra (sic), and there was a whale exhibition. And on April fools day a man said an Orca Whale has escaped through the sewer system and through to Lake Burley Griffen (sic) and everybody believed it INCULDING ME! (sic) So the day after we went to see it be cudent see it. And on the news that night we saw it was a joke.

I’m not going to bother putting (sic) in anymore. Just assume they aren’t my fault. Anyway, a whale. In the sewer. I can believe I fell for that, but everyone else? Weird.

The next one is one of my favourites! It is a story.

Every evening the young Fisherman went out upon the sea and threw his nets into the water. He would stay there for an hour then pull up his nets and go home. One night he was waiting while his nets were down catching the fish, when he heard a swooshing in the water. He looked into the black looking water and he saw movement. “Probably just a school of fish” he thought. Then a huge sea-monster came and ate the boat and everything else.

Good ending, little me! “Uhh, uhh, uhh, a sea monster! Ate everything! Yeah.”

The rest are from my draft book, so they mostly aren’t finished. Still good reads though!

The Three little wolves
Once upon a time there lived four wolves. One of course was their mum. One day the time came when the young wolves had to go out into the world. Their mother said “you can have a house made of anything you like, so what would you like?” The first wolf said “Bricks!” the second wolf said “Iron!” the third wolf (who was rather dopey) said “uh… fibrocement?” (As an adult, I don’t actually know what fibrocement is, assuming it exists. Mmm.)  So their mother payed someone to make three houses, Bricks, Iron, Fibrocement. (if only life were so simple) So the next day they moved into their new houses but before each wolf moved in their mum told them about a monstrous pig who ate wolves raw. But they still went in to their houses. The next day, the pig came to the fibrocement house “let me in little wolf, it just your mother.” The little wolf looked out the window and replied…

WHO KNOWS WHAT HE REPLIED!?!?! He probably just got et anyway. Honestly, fibrocement. I have no idea where I pulled that one from. But if you think THAT was weird, the following is a short excerpt of a story that I, unfortunately, never finished, because DAMN, I would’ve liked to see where it ended up.

The Iron Man – The Final Chapter
It was two years after the Iron Man had won against the space-bat-angel-dragon. He was thinking of jumping into the sea for a swim when suddenly Hogarth…

Space… bat… angel… dragon. Space-bat-angel-dragon. Spacebatangeldragon. Or perhaps its the space-bat, named Angel-Dragon. But I don’t think so.

Oh man, I missed this one, and it’s great!

My painting
My picture is a sunset. I decided to do a sunset because I thought it would look good. I proved myself wrong.

Oh man. Low self-esteem is an artform.

This last one (promise) is the only full story in here, and it’s dumber than hell. Man, I was a dumb kid.

I’m 13 years old and my name is Peter Bruen and I’m on holidays with my family. We are at a clearing in the forest and we’ve set up camp. I am lieing in my tent dreaming………”Peter, hurry up and her out here, NOW!” My mum’s voice shatters my dreams. “What do you want” I yawned pretending I was asleep, “Can you please get some fire wood?” “Get Elizabeth to do it, I WAS asleep.” “You expect a three year old girl to do it?”

O.K., thanks mum, I’m lost now, I’m going to kill her when I get home. What’s this? I’ve found a huge cave. My god, what’s that noise, A BEAR. My only escape is to go into the cave.

Deeper and deeper I go. Somebody definately been here before, because I just found a door. Opening door. Ahhhh… What a light! A crystal, it nearly blinded me, I’ve got to break that thing. Breaking.

A genie! “You have one wish” he said “I want to get back to my camp, with lots of twigs.” “You got it” he said.

I have twigs. I am home.

Yep. I don’t know if I wrote in present tense cause I was trying to be all clever, or  it was just ’cause I didn’t know what I was doing. But yep! That’s this episode of “Dumb Things I Wrote When I was 10”.


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Externalised memory priestess from the elemental plane of pink. I hyperbolise every second of the day. On Twitter here.

4 thoughts on “Dumb Things I Wrote When I was 10”

  1. I am so glad you transcribed these! They are amazing. All my old stories I’ve been able to find are “today I saw a dog” and “now I am eating an orange”. Honestly, space bat angel dragon! This shit is crazy. Crazy awesome.

  2. Not quite as good as hearing them straight from you (which I can totally do soon! YES!) but still ONE OF THE BEST BLOGS I CAN EVEN REMEMBER FROM ANYONE!! (I use caps and exclaimation marks to further illustrate my point). All of those stories were just fantastic, I would’ve love to hear how some of them finished. Also clearly spacebatangeldemon is the universe’s great super villain/monster they should definately be a movie about that guy. And that guy camping in the forrest, asks a genie for twigs. That’s a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan! I bet no one saw that one coming.
    Such an awesome blog. Just so damn great.
    And I hope you feel better soon, Jessie.

    Oh man, I am so pumped that you guys will be back soon. So pumppted!

  3. i hate that you blog makes me do maths!

    reading these re minded me off all the stories i wrote when i was a little scrag. I really liked the fisherman story! thats good by todays standards!

  4. Perhaps 10-year-old-you meant Fiber Cement? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiber_cement_siding

    I think I am just trying to figure out what the ending to the three little wolves story is. It haunts me! I don’t know which is the superior building material. But something tells me it is Fibrocement. And I dunno, if this thing follows the same basic structure, either Bricks or Iron is gonna go down. I wanna know what the pigs amazing siege abilities are. Or maybe wolves just rule at construction? And the pig starves?!? You need to finish this story!

    But in summary these are excellent! You should attempt to find more of them! I don’t think I was as interesting as a child. My shit was probably all random banging on about how much dinosaurs rule.

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